LEARNING TO LET GO...

This is perhaps the most difficult thing to do.which i think i have finally learnt.... how to do(by default).I'm some body who hates to let go!!.of what?people,memories,feelings,experiences,places,dresses,pillows,barbies......yeah i think i should stop with that lol.letting go is so hard.something i just cant explain.but Ive definitely found one thing out,once some things gone,its gone for good.whatever it might be,even if it come back(happens rarely)its never the same thing.

A month before my 10th birthday,one of the most tragic events in my life took place.i lost the closest person i have had in my life so far.my grandmother.i can not tell u,even now the thought of her still pierces my heart.i can never forget the time i used to run back from school and hug her.the warmth and security i found in,lying on her chest,to hear her heart beat and count it for hours.i used to admire her batman style glasses.i used to admire the way she used to say "right-o"with this very south indian iyer accent before she used to put the phone down.i remember her coming to pick me up after my summer camp,while all the mothers and fathers used to come to pick up their children,my radha patti used to come,driving at the age of 64 in our 2767 chocolate brown,maruti high-dome van.she was and still is the most amazing person i have ever met.and to this day.....i have not let her go.every time i turn back and look for some one,i always wish she was there,standing with her arms wide open waiting for me,like when i was young.every time i try to let go of a bad experience or a person,i always have tears in my eyes wondering why she isn't there to help.i always look right into her picture and ask why she had to go leaving me all alone,only to receive the same smile she always used to have.which some how brings back all these memories.

But really what is letting go?to me its complete cutting off.I'm not some one who can be around people who have hurt me,or cant go back to a place where i have had a bad experience.call me immature but that's how it is.i know many people who can break up with boy friends and still be in touch and still be best friends some times,i cant.once its over its over.i cant even look at that person.not even in a picture.

But of course there is something called time.which changes everything.it takes a looot of time some times but it happens.that's when i know...I'm through!Ive crossed the dark deep tunnel and Ive reached the other side to find a whole new world filled with,fresh air and clear skies.although i know deep down that I'm going to have to pass many more deep dark long tunnels...and some times i can even see them coming.and what do i do!?walk right in!!i just hope one day ill learn the easy way out which is for me,taking the right path.

But after a point of time.one burns out.nothing matters anymore.recently i had grown to like a particular person a lot.but some how it wasn't the same as before.after a few months this person stopped calling me.did i feel bad? yes.but did it hurt? no.!theres a difference.Did i care?NO!

This is what letting go for me is.you let go of yourself.so much that things stop mattering to you.yes it is a wonderful state of mind.u don't get hurt by all these things,but u don't derive happiness from anything either.i used to define this state as "normal" to a person who was at one point in time very very close to me.Because he was always "normal".i used to hate him for that.i mean,the man would simple not react! but now i relate to him better.

i finally learnt that by letting go one becomes free.

Life teaches you many things.The most important thing its taught me is that,you always walk alone, once u change u can never change back,once your hurt you can never be "un-hurt"..............once u let go .....u can never stop.