May Sri Radha-Madhav Hari bless us with yet another blissful year

May Sri Radha-Madhav Hari bless us with yet another blissful year
Originally uploaded by shreya nagarajan

G10 Memories

Banana, milk and honey

 

The most common line around here is “hey, you want to go to the beach?” and the most common reply is” Yeah, I want to work on my tan!.” So loads of people go to the beach specially to get that sun kissed look, and I was one of them as well. It didn’t seem like something crazy to do, or not to do. And of course it resulted in me getting a tan, which in turn led to this major concern that my family began having. They began commenting that I was becoming very dark. I was getting the “O my god, you have become so dark!” comment one too many times. And so I started using this homemade remedy for bleaching my skin, which is a combination of banana, honey and milk (it works!). And the shock from my fellow G10er’s came in waves. I don’t understand it, if you can become darker, why can’t you go fairer? It’s the same thing. What if the whites were discriminated instead of the blacks, would no body be going to the beach today? Colour is something that I personally think is one type of discrimination that will always be a problem in society. Whether in your own society or someone else’s, you are always being judged based on the colour of your skin. And the truth is one’s personality will be affected by ones colour. However skin colour has nothing to do with beauty (inner or external) it’s like the saying,” beauty is only skin deep”.

I don’t want to be a colour which I wasn’t born with. I was born a particular shade of wheat and I want to retain it, because I feel that’s me. I’m comfortable with that skin type. If you think having a tan makes you look sexy and confident or if you think being fair makes you feel more intelligent, go for it I say. At the end of the day the colour of your emotion is more important rather than the colour of your skin.

Maya

Maya, according to philosophy, religion etc ...she is some one who exists to take you away from your path. the right path, the path which will lead to eternal happiness and service to the lord. and i am some one who undoubtedly believes in it(considering it is the meaning of my name). but as i sit on the computer typing this at some unearthly hour. i know that maya is soo much more than that.

for example: you feel pain, you get a shot of anesthesia. to numb the pain.in life, we, instead of dealing with the pain we just like to keep giving ourselves these anesthesia shot. ultimately , we neither live to understand what true happiness is, neither do we live to understand that its all maya.

I have been always confused as to what to do with my life. because i wanted to pick a field that will give me a sufficiently happy materialistic life, as well as a field that will help me progress in my spiritual path. but it took this stupid fool 23 years to realize that it works the other way around. i need to pick a field which i am happy with and offer whatever that comes out of it to the lord with utmost humility.

All i can do is fall at the lotus feet of lord Krishna, and hope and prey that he will one day.............one day, remove me from this vicious cycle.

O lord Krishna!
Please save me, please give me the courage and the intelligence to reach you.
What ever i do, let it be an offering to you. Please let me progress and understand you, and let me serve you and my guru( Jayapataka swami maharaj) in every way possible. Please remove all this hatred that has crept into my heart.
UNLESS YOU WILL FOR THIS, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.

Your aspiring devote,
Shreya

now and forever?

i am going to write this post. and i am going to write this post now!!

life is a bitch!! work is really something, it just makes you want to tear your stomach and ripp your intestines out, wrap it around your monitor and bash the living crap out of it!! so much for i am always calm huh! i am ...i really ****in am...... see it all started with work! i have been really over working myself this week. not me but my employers, whateva, and in the process i saw/bumped into one of my enemies, old old ones, the many many people i have cut off in my life. i can not tell you how many people i have cut off in my life. i do it for a reason, not just cuz im bored or anything. but this is just...anyway i just saw her thats it, and this hatred started building up like the vesuvious inside until i read the ****in womans blog today. and you know what it had?? NOTHING.!! im not being judgmental or anything. it really was crap, o i like this, i love ---- color, bullshit, and i mean the actual bull's shit!! but i still wanted to ...........aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! should i get married!!?? really, i am really thinking about this!! i really need closure i think!... i mean i cut off people so easily, but i don't think i deal with it. which is why this keeps happening actually, not with the others, just this one. but i think, what is it that i find so irritating or even intimidating about this girl????! Nothing, i treat her like crap, she wants to make up but i will of course never ever agree, so... im am the settler, so what the hell??! whats the problem!! what is it!!???????? any psychologists reading this page please leave your suggestions, everyone else: no thank you! i have enough of my own!!... anyway this point i am thinking. i will nevr have kids, i think! its just ...weird u know! and sisters...o god! where do i begin. selfish!! selfish , selfish!!! really i mean it, krishna c'mon some help here.!


you know how it is, between me and that girl.!! its like chandler and janice! every time!! i am like ....................uuuuuuuuufffffffff!!!!!!!! does work do this to you? do kids do this to you? do sisters do this to you? its not that im not strong, its not that i can not hate people, its not that i might need closure, its not you think that i have daddy issues!! its just that .............................. eduvum kadandu pohum......this will also pass............. tomorrow will be another day, another love, another hate! but a day it still is................

gyaan bull shit!!

KRISHNA SAVE ME!