i am going to write this post. and i am going to write this post now!!
life is a bitch!! work is really something, it just makes you want to tear your stomach and ripp your intestines out, wrap it around your monitor and bash the living crap out of it!! so much for i am always calm huh! i am ...i really ****in am...... see it all started with work! i have been really over working myself this week. not me but my employers, whateva, and in the process i saw/bumped into one of my enemies, old old ones, the many many people i have cut off in my life. i can not tell you how many people i have cut off in my life. i do it for a reason, not just cuz im bored or anything. but this is just...anyway i just saw her thats it, and this hatred started building up like the vesuvious inside until i read the ****in womans blog today. and you know what it had?? NOTHING.!! im not being judgmental or anything. it really was crap, o i like this, i love ---- color, bullshit, and i mean the actual bull's shit!! but i still wanted to ...........aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! should i get married!!?? really, i am really thinking about this!! i really need closure i think!... i mean i cut off people so easily, but i don't think i deal with it. which is why this keeps happening actually, not with the others, just this one. but i think, what is it that i find so irritating or even intimidating about this girl????! Nothing, i treat her like crap, she wants to make up but i will of course never ever agree, so... im am the settler, so what the hell??! whats the problem!! what is it!!???????? any psychologists reading this page please leave your suggestions, everyone else: no thank you! i have enough of my own!!... anyway this point i am thinking. i will nevr have kids, i think! its just ...weird u know! and sisters...o god! where do i begin. selfish!! selfish , selfish!!! really i mean it, krishna c'mon some help here.!
you know how it is, between me and that girl.!! its like chandler and janice! every time!! i am like ....................uuuuuuuuufffffffff!!!!!!!! does work do this to you? do kids do this to you? do sisters do this to you? its not that im not strong, its not that i can not hate people, its not that i might need closure, its not you think that i have daddy issues!! its just that .............................. eduvum kadandu pohum......this will also pass............. tomorrow will be another day, another love, another hate! but a day it still is................
gyaan bull shit!!
KRISHNA SAVE ME!
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5 comments:
I'm gonna be very honest, which means what i will say now is not going to be pleasant or kind and might put me in the line of people to "cut off" from your life but hey, thats what friends are for. To be honest and tell you whats right & wrong when the whole world smiles at you and says you are right waiting to back stab you. So here it goes. Reading from what you wrote...
1. his hatred started building up like the vesuvious inside until i read the ****in womans blog today.
A. There is no reason for you to listen to or hear from someone you hate. If you are confident someone is not worth your time and you cut them off in the first place then why read their blog? Why crib there is nothing on it? I think your feeling towards this woman is not hatred for all parts. I suspect jealousy is as significant. If not for it, there is no reason for you to go read her blog and then feel something about it. I hate a lot of people too, i dont care what they have to write/say/do.
2. Nothing, i treat her like crap, she wants to make up but i will of course never ever agree, so... im am the settler, so what the hell??! whats the problem!! what is it!!????????
A. If she keeps coming back to you still after you treating her badly it implies she does not consider you an enemy/problem. So it is good to investigate her side of things. If you dont want to then you should tell her plain on the face that you arent 'comfortable' around her and not want to do anything with her. Most people would get it, women defnitely will. Try it.
3. KRISHNA SAVE ME!
A. Nope, he won't. From the little time i've been with ISKCON all i can remember is that parabramham will come to you at all times except when you have hatred. I don't believe in this crap but going by your theory, no. Krishna wont probably care for you until you get over thinking about this girl. The bigger picture im trying to show you here is, you are trying to escape the situation by looking to a diety. It wont help, i can vouch for it.
What you need is a break, a drink (non-alcoholic, knowing you quit long back) & some gala time with people you like and love being with.
If you hate someone get over them, if you cannot then figure out how to not hate them. Cribbing wont help, krishna helps those who help themselves.
dear dilip,
thank you very much for your detailed
reply on why and how exactly i am screwed up. I am not defending anything i said but am just going to explain what i have said.
i blog only when i am in 3 conditions :-)
1. extremely happy
2. extremely pissed off
3. extremely moved
and clearly here i was very very pissed off.. simply because, it brings back a lot of memories and most of them are not pleasant ones. this girl has always been a problem in my life. but all what i wrote that day was in the spur of the moment. its not like i went looking for her blog, nor did i wander around chennai looking to bump into her. but when a bunch of things coincidently come together like this, i can help but get a little affected by it.
but at the end of it, its all very simple. i just have to deal with it.every one has that one person who really pisses them off. through out their lives. everyone does.
anyway after that day, i read the post today and couldn't help but laugh at my kookiness.
none the less, you did bring up a good point about krishna not saving a devote who is not pure in his actions. very good point indeed!
thank you for that!
Well you seem to sure be in a huff puff. No advices here, but here's a warm hug for ya. Pray this gives you some shanti :=) God Bless
I must say...you got some good writing skills! Love this post.. :-)
Should I thank people for liking this post, or even loving it!!?? lol I dont know, but thanks for leaving your comments AJ and Vishal!
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