How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd. -Alexander Pope
Everything in life is going to be gone one day, what do we do about it!?....Like she says in the movie "ENJ0Y IT"......That's the thing about us, all we want to do is to keep everything that shines.Its like we when the sun rises in the morning we never never think its going to set.We always just think its here to stay!
Nothing in life stays...And its not like we haven't learn that lesson. When we do, its like its engraved in stone in our blood. But when the sunrises again we think, that unlike like yesterday, it'll never set! Yeah it set yesterday, but no ..It wont happen this time, it wont happen today!..
How can we be like this!!????? how can we think that the same thing wont happen again! are we all that foolish!?? why is it that we don't get the big picture. Why is it that we cant understand that its just a whole big long movie....
Its like each time we die..Erase! then we come back and fall into the same trap.The same trap of life. The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
When I run into problems with some one very close to me...( when I say problems I mean real problems)..I can only handle it in one way, cut them off right from the roots!!...Just give them the furniture treatment!! When I think about it today, I have made that move on one too many people...Only because...They have caused me a lot of hardship or hurt and lets face it..Its not worth keeping up such relationships...But today as I was randomly surfing the net I ran into a very very old friend's profile...She was probably the first friend I had after I came to Madras...Yeah she made life tough for me but well, we grew up together...And today if there's anyone I can link my past to, as in my school days..Its only her..!! For whatever misunderstands we had between us, I cut her off and mind you it was a 10yr old relationship!!!
When I end up meeting these so called ex best friends of mine...I don't know why but I just freeze up!...And its like allll those emotions come back in just a few seconds and get stuck in my throat!!I just can not for the life of me understand why??!!...Like for example when I came across this girl's profile, I don't know why... But I actually for like 5 mins sat back and thought about all the crazy times we have had, you know how it is when your in school and your growing up!! The Hindi classes, the wood cutter games , I remember I even slapped her(real hard) when I was in my 3ed std and in return my Hindi teacher got hold of me and slapped me!!haha we both ended up crying for the rest of the day and of course we made up in the process and went back home as if nothing had happened!! Actually that's a lie her cheek was swollen and all red!!lol...OK its funny now but I was wondering...Yeah we cut off people like that, just because you cant take them anymore but at what cost!!?? people change too...I mean we all do!!don't we??should we give them another chance!?
When such emotions come back to me...I feel a bit real!! Lately I've become numb to relationships...As much as I care...I couldn't care less!! The only joy I experience is when I relate to some one else's joy or my course or dance!! Your past makes you feel ( for like a split second) like the person you were then! I can just close my eyes and take myself back to that precise moment when a bunch of my friends and I used to sit under the dum-dum tree eating lunch and they all use to take about Pepsi Uma's program, while I used to sit there lost lol. These are all dead memories in my head....Which come to life, once in a blue moon but when they do, I always think of that friend of mine....
Cutting off people who are not good for you is the right thing to do...But in the long run I'm the loser!!...Because in the process I lose all those memories. There's a difference when you relive some thing with a friend or a relative and when you think about it alone...When you do it alone, its as good as a fragment of yesterdays dream! But I have after I have grown up (I think I have at least ;-)) found out that cutting off makes it easier to break relationships but the wound almost never heals...With time one tends to forget or replace but along with that, all these memories gain a tinge of sorrow and that is some thing that can never be changed...I reallydon't know how else to deal with people so I'm sure I will continue to cut off people when, I cant take it any more....But I guess that's where I'm immature and will probably go on to become a pathetic psychologist!...
But renewing ties (In these cases atleast) is some thing I think I will never do ....Every thing comes with a price! If my price is to lose a part of my past...So be it!
The following is an objective report on goddess Kali, studying her has made me realize what life and the world today is all about...
KALI’S FORM:
She is described as the mistress of death. She is portrayed as being dark, wearing dark cloths, with her tongue poised as if to lick. She has fearful teeth, sunken eyes and is smiling. She wears a necklace of snakes has a large belly, rides on a large ghost and wears children’s corpse as earrings. It is not just her form that makes her terrifying but it also the fact that her anger can destroy the world. She is supposed to live in the cemetery.
Kali, coveys the image of death, destruction, fear and terror,: all aspects of reality.Kali was and is still associated as a tribal goddess in some places. She was initially worshiped by thieves and tribal groups living on the periphery of Indian society. Kali at some point ceases to be an indigenous tribal goddess and gets associated as a part of the pantheon, and hence over the years becomes a “Mother Goddess”.
“Kali’s origins can not adequately explain her subsequent history. She eventually transcends her origins”-David Kinsley.
KALI’S PRE-HISTORY:
The word “Kali” is used to describe one of the seven tonguesof Agniin the Mundaka Upanishad. Agni’s tongues are to be taken as representatives of actual beings. No further mention is made of ‘Kali’ in the Upanishad. There is another mention of a goddess called ‘Nirrti’ very similar to Kali’s description. She is not referred to once the term ‘Kali’ is mentioned. However, Nirrti was not a famous goddess. Kali is supposed to have first emerged from Durga, during the battle with Rakthabija. As Durga is unable to fight Rakthabija, she creates Kali who comes in her vicious form and drinks the blood of Rakthabija and kills him in the process. In the Agni and Garuda Purana, she is summoned in the mantras for success in wars. Her description in the mantras as spine chilling. The Bhagavata purana mentions Kali as the patron goddess of a band of thieves.
Kali is worshiped in great extent in Tamil Nadu and is mentioned in the Silappadigaram and the Manimekalai. The practice of the offering of navakondar, the nine parts of the body was practiced in south India. Bengal is another state in India where Kali worship was and still is very popular. The Ananda Mangal Kavya clearly describes Kali and is dated roughly to the 8th century. Tantrasana of Krishnananda Agamavagisa and Syamarahasya of Purnanand also talk about Kali extensively.
Apart from Bengal and Tamil Nadu, Kali worship was prevalent in Orissa, Assam and Rajasthan. In Rajasthan, Kali is not associated to Durga.It is very interesting to know that that during the medieval period just when the worship of Kali in Bengal began, it disappeared in Rajasthan. David Kinsley stresses that the goddess was considered as inauspicious goddess until the Devi Mahatmiyam. Even after that it took some time before people accepted Kali as a mother goddess. Her acceptance was gradual and occurred reluctantly.
Tracing Kali’sgrowth in popularity, she became well known and popular in the Hindu tradition only after she was associated with Shiva. In the Vamana Purana during Shiva and Parvathi’s wedding, Kali is mentioned, but not in her ferocious form. In the Vamana Purana Kali and Parvathi’s names are used interchangeably. In the Devi Mahatmiyam it is suggested that Kali was born out of Kausiki (Parvathi) to kill Canda and Munda. The Vamana Purana, describes Kali as being born out of Durga to kill Rakthabija.
In the Shiva Purana, Kali is described as being created from the locks of Shiva’s hair. According to the Linga purana, all the gods came pleading to Shiva kill Daruka, the demon. Shiva asks Parvathy who in turn creates Kali. After the battle Shiva manifests himself as a crying child in the battle field and Kali seeing the child nurses him. When the child does not stop crying she dances, watching this, Shiva gets pleased. In another different tale the manifestation of Kali is seen when Shiva would not allow Sati to go to her Fathers’ house.
ATTAINING KALI:
GODDESS OF TANTRA:
In the Tantric texts, Kali is seen and worshiped as the supreme goddess. In the Tantra’s, she maintains her fierce aspect but is confronted by the hero(the worshipper), who thus identifies with her, controls her and wins her boons. In the Karpura stotra, she is associated to the five elements and is seen as the supreme mistress of the universe.
MAA KALI:
Some authors have noted that Ramprasad never gets put off by Kali’s image and habits, but only craves more for her. The same goes for Ramakrishna Paramahansa, as both the saints looked at Kali as the divine mother, and despite her weird behavior and strange image, they revel in her a loving maternal presence. They saw her image as a mask and approached her as a child, and they succeeded in making her take off her mask. Kali’s appearance changes and softens, as she becomes the central deity in Tantrism and Bengal devotionalism.
KALI AS MAYA:
One of the authors who have done extensive work on Kali is, David Kinsley and he extorts his readers to look beyond Kali, beyond the chaotic dancing and her out of control behavior, and seek what lies beneath the external appearance. There is permanence and when one looks at the world today it is the same. There fore she manifests herself as the eternal being and hence her believers see her as the world is today.
