When I run into problems with some one very close to me...( when I say problems I mean real problems)..I can only handle it in one way, cut them off right from the roots!!...Just give them the furniture treatment!! When I think about it today, I have made that move on one too many people...Only because...They have caused me a lot of hardship or hurt and lets face it..Its not worth keeping up such relationships...But today as I was randomly surfing the net I ran into a very very old friend's profile...She was probably the first friend I had after I came to Madras...Yeah she made life tough for me but well, we grew up together...And today if there's anyone I can link my past to, as in my school days..Its only her..!! For whatever misunderstands we had between us, I cut her off and mind you it was a 10yr old relationship!!!
When I end up meeting these so called ex best friends of mine...I don't know why but I just freeze up!...And its like allll those emotions come back in just a few seconds and get stuck in my throat!!I just can not for the life of me understand why??!!...Like for example when I came across this girl's profile, I don't know why... But I actually for like 5 mins sat back and thought about all the crazy times we have had, you know how it is when your in school and your growing up!! The Hindi classes, the wood cutter games , I remember I even slapped her(real hard) when I was in my 3ed std and in return my Hindi teacher got hold of me and slapped me!!haha we both ended up crying for the rest of the day and of course we made up in the process and went back home as if nothing had happened!! Actually that's a lie her cheek was swollen and all red!!lol...OK its funny now but I was wondering...Yeah we cut off people like that, just because you cant take them anymore but at what cost!!?? people change too...I mean we all do!!don't we??should we give them another chance!?
When such emotions come back to me...I feel a bit real!! Lately I've become numb to relationships...As much as I care...I couldn't care less!! The only joy I experience is when I relate to some one else's joy or my course or dance!! Your past makes you feel ( for like a split second) like the person you were then! I can just close my eyes and take myself back to that precise moment when a bunch of my friends and I used to sit under the dum-dum tree eating lunch and they all use to take about Pepsi Uma's program, while I used to sit there lost lol. These are all dead memories in my head....Which come to life, once in a blue moon but when they do, I always think of that friend of mine....
Cutting off people who are not good for you is the right thing to do...But in the long run I'm the loser!!...Because in the process I lose all those memories. There's a difference when you relive some thing with a friend or a relative and when you think about it alone...When you do it alone, its as good as a fragment of yesterdays dream!
But I have after I have grown up (I think I have at least ;-)) found out that cutting off makes it easier to break relationships but the wound almost never heals...With time one tends to forget or replace but along with that, all these memories gain a tinge of sorrow and that is some thing that can never be changed...I really don't know how else to deal with people so I'm sure I will continue to cut off people when, I cant take it any more....But I guess that's where I'm immature and will probably go on to become a pathetic psychologist!...
But renewing ties (In these cases atleast) is some thing I think I will never do ....Every thing comes with a price! If my price is to lose a part of my past...So be it!
7 comments:
I always say that the past defines us, we are here this moment because of a particular choice made by us in the past , for better or for worse , that time will tell...
I will now contradict myself by adding that sometimes , just sometimes ,loosing a part of the past maybe the only way to heal ... just sometimes...
so in a sense this particular topic you touched upon , is totally individualist and is as fathomless as time, here ever answer is correct , and every answer is wrong at the same time.
cutting things off will only help if you have amnesia to back it up. running away from problems affects only your present and nothing else.
gauti...u put it v nicely..n ur absol right!!...every answer is correct and every answer is wrong at the same time!!
u will have to understand that for all wonderful relationships u will have in your life,the best of friends u will have to die alone.. nobody will come with u.
No matter how social you are, u will have to face life alone. We all touch the lives of others only briefly. All i can say is take joy in the contact, share the sorrow of the parting. Memories are all you that you have ,don't ever lose them!
aahhh the famous!! u die alone speech!! :-)
:P famous it mayb, but that doesn't change the truth of it..
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