A STILL BABY!?

Why is it that some times one can not feel what one wants to feel.One can not even pretend to.Its happened so many times with me.

You want it to be there,the feeling,the emotion,the tear,the smile,the numbness,but its never there.
NOT even close.i wonder why!?

What are emotions??where do they come from?how can one control it?
By experience?by instinct?by karma? i wish i knew.

Some times i look for myself and i cant find ME.am i what i feel?do i need somebody else to make me feel ME? like when I'm in love or when i fly? does one need the environment to make one feel?
much like the matrix theory.

so what happens
without the environment with out emotions,with out words,without feelings,with out experiences? what do "I" become?

A STILL BABY?

FINDING ME

Its so funny!...so many people blog and have asked me to blog too,but i have always thought of it as some thing completely useless.i mean why would some one write about themselves and put it up on the internet for everyone to read!?..how self centered can some people get!?and most importantly who's gonna read it!!??!!lol

but here i am today.blogging!.y?because i just realised one needs to blog to keep sane...I'm writing today for myself.because i need to.To keep me sane and insane at the same time... u don't get it? i don't either lol...that's y I'm blogging..to stop holding back.to see how life is
to say whats in my heart, and not worry if ill get hurt by it.to just write.to just let go.to just be happy.