now and forever?

i am going to write this post. and i am going to write this post now!!

life is a bitch!! work is really something, it just makes you want to tear your stomach and ripp your intestines out, wrap it around your monitor and bash the living crap out of it!! so much for i am always calm huh! i am ...i really ****in am...... see it all started with work! i have been really over working myself this week. not me but my employers, whateva, and in the process i saw/bumped into one of my enemies, old old ones, the many many people i have cut off in my life. i can not tell you how many people i have cut off in my life. i do it for a reason, not just cuz im bored or anything. but this is just...anyway i just saw her thats it, and this hatred started building up like the vesuvious inside until i read the ****in womans blog today. and you know what it had?? NOTHING.!! im not being judgmental or anything. it really was crap, o i like this, i love ---- color, bullshit, and i mean the actual bull's shit!! but i still wanted to ...........aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! should i get married!!?? really, i am really thinking about this!! i really need closure i think!... i mean i cut off people so easily, but i don't think i deal with it. which is why this keeps happening actually, not with the others, just this one. but i think, what is it that i find so irritating or even intimidating about this girl????! Nothing, i treat her like crap, she wants to make up but i will of course never ever agree, so... im am the settler, so what the hell??! whats the problem!! what is it!!???????? any psychologists reading this page please leave your suggestions, everyone else: no thank you! i have enough of my own!!... anyway this point i am thinking. i will nevr have kids, i think! its just ...weird u know! and sisters...o god! where do i begin. selfish!! selfish , selfish!!! really i mean it, krishna c'mon some help here.!


you know how it is, between me and that girl.!! its like chandler and janice! every time!! i am like ....................uuuuuuuuufffffffff!!!!!!!! does work do this to you? do kids do this to you? do sisters do this to you? its not that im not strong, its not that i can not hate people, its not that i might need closure, its not you think that i have daddy issues!! its just that .............................. eduvum kadandu pohum......this will also pass............. tomorrow will be another day, another love, another hate! but a day it still is................

gyaan bull shit!!

KRISHNA SAVE ME!